Am I too selfish? or its u.

Being in a relationship is not like what i have expected. Maybe i should say being with him is not like what i have expected.

It all started last year in the mid of April. We get to know each other more through table tennis in spite of being strangers for the passed two years in the same university and same course. Its table tennis a.k.a ping pong that connects us. But that's not why i m so devoted to table tennis. 

Half years later, we are together, as bf and gf, till now. 

In the beginning, the relationship can be said weird. I'm not the only one who thought that way. My friends, my boss, even my mum. We rarely contacted each other. Most of the times, I was the one who contacted him first. There were not much thing to chat between us. He did not take the initiation to chat longer with me. the replies were just short and simple. 

He might sometimes absent and sometimes present to the class. I have no idea on what he was doing. He might have his time for dramas, movies, games and sport. Just not me.

This situation continued until one day when i touched on this matter. His answers were first, he did not know that I was the kind of gf that needed to be contacted everyday, and second, he admitted that he was stupid on this matter.

So, he started to message me or sometimes called me. The thing was, he has a fix time to find me. Usually night time, usually dinner time or usually before he went to bed. The content of the message surrounded between whether I have had my dinner, and goodnight message. I was wondering, is this the consequence of requesting people to do what they do not do usually and that they do not enjoy doing this even after a period of doing this. The chinese saying of forcing will not lead to happiness applied here.

I want to know so much about him. But it was seemed like he has less interest about me. Even my friends know more about him than me. I felt very sad and bad when my friends talked about him. They understand him more. 

There's another thing I would like to express. Well, he chatted with a girl yesterday. He was just beside me at that time. I do not know what they were chatting about. But I just could not stop myself from getting angry. At first, I was angry that he did that even though I know there is nothing worth to be suspicious between them. After that I started to hate myself from being so sensitive, so emotional and so controlling. He gives me so much freedom to do whatever I like to do. But I can't be like him. I'm not that generous. Not forget to mention, the freedom that he has given me doesn't make me feel happy. Instead, I started to think whether he really loves me. 

I seriously need to think hard about continuing this unhealthy relationship. I want him to be happy. I want him to do anything he likes doing. I don't want to be the controlling person as I understand how disastrous this relationship will be with an unhappy him and me.